Annotated lyrics for The Hold Steady song 'Two Handed Handshake' - His two handed handshake / Says he's so glad to meet you / His one silver earring / Says he parties on weekends / He churns through the channels / When he's watching the TV / He recites lines from movies / When he's trying to be funny / Guys, it's like we're not even trying / Yeah, she danced with that one guy / She must know we're watching / It seems like less people / Than were here just last weekend / She's still pretty pissed / About her ex's new trick / There were stares / And glares and names / Girls, you know you're not really helping / I don't think that you'll find love / In some bathroom at some club / I know some kids who didn't come back / We had First Ave on Fridays / We're pirates at port / We go in and we get high / Two at a time / We get drunk on the sports / We're falling into bed / With our television sets / We're watching movies / That we've already seen / Guys, it's like we're not even trying / You dress like contestants / At some desperate pageant / You fall asleep in your makeup / You wake up with a blemish / You're making up your mind / About the drinks after work / It's such a gossipy office / Girls, you're gonna find someone / You don't have to rush it / You're too young to force your crushes / You don't have to rush it / You're too young to fake your crushes / Guys, I'm pretty sure that we can put it back together / And girls, you gotta try to be nice to one another / Guys, I'm pretty sure that we can put it back together / And girls, you gotta try to be nice to one another / I don't think we'll get the truth / From kids with stickers on their boots / I know some kids who didn't come back / From the plywood painted black / We gotta try a little harder / We gotta be a little better / We gotta pull it back together